Chapter 4: A Lighthouse And Some Castles

There’s a lighthouse high in the hills surrounding Lake Como which can be reached by riding the funiculare (cable car) 1,000 meters up, then hiking higher for a half-hour through narrow cobblestone streets.

The base of the lighthouse has an amazing panoramic view of the city of Como, the lake, and the mountains.

Far below us, tiny boats left tiny wakes, and we were high above the private seaplanes periodically circling and then landing on the water, each carrying (I assume) crates of golden toilet paper to George Clooney’s mansion.

The lighthouse is dedicated to Alessandro Volta, the inventor of the electric battery, and Como’s favorite son. Wow, do they love Volta in this town! For example – no kidding – here is his grave back in town:

The lighthouse has a spiral staircase inside, which is accessible for just two euros after a shirtless dark-haired man runs up to you yelling in Italian when you start to walk up it. Either he was the lighthouse attendant, or he’s running a very bold (but effective) scam.

At the top…whoa…I’m pretty good with heights, but even I had a bit of vertigo peering out over the rail. Rachel does have issues with heights (she once got stuck on top of our 11-foot-high RV) but did very well here, although in all of her pictures she looks half-excited and half-get-me-the-f-down-from-here.

Don’t worry, after carefully(!) making our way back down the spiral staircase, we relaxed with a glass of wine on the outside patio of a small hotel on the side of the mountain, by which point Rachel’s face had gradually made its way back to a normal visage.

A few days later, we took a short train ride into Switzerland to visit the three castles in Bellinzona. Walking through the ancient stone ramparts and fortifications made it easy to envision this place as it existed during the Roman empire almost 2,000 years ago, with legions of soldiers vigorously training for battle using swords and spears, and buxom young milkmaids seductively posing for Instagram pictures in front of the huge wooden drawbridge.

Haha.

Ugh.

I actually thought about starting an Instagram account for this trip, so I searched for “traveling couples” to see what other folks were posting. I expected to see photos of rumpled but cheery German backpackers taking out-of-focus selfies in front of the Alps, or cheesy college students holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

What popped up instead was shit like this:

…to which – Rachel can attest – made me giggle so hard that I spit coffee onto my keyboard. And so the brief Instagram experiment was cancelled. I only have one laptop and I can’t be ruining it by laughing at those idiots and spitting out coffee every day.

Anyway, the castles were cool.

And obviously Switzerland is just like the most photogenic area in the world. The whole country looks like a freaking Windows XP wallpaper.

On Monday night, our last in Como, Rachel and I had a nice meal at a small Italian restaurant, and then strolled the lakeside pathway. I had brought a small container of my mom’s ashes with me to Europe (shh, don’t tell customs), and she really liked lakes, so I sprinkled a bit of her into Lake Como that evening. Cicadas chirped and small waves lapped the shoreline, and the out-of-tune band at the restaurant behind us played that classic Italian song, “YMCA” by the Village People.

Oh well, mom actually did like disco.

Stay tuned next week for a visit to the city of Florence, which – I’m told – was home to most of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.